The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage in front of
a huge crowd. Her Majesty and His Holiness, however, have seen it all
before, so to make it a little more interesting, the Queen says to the
Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can
make every English person in the crowd go wild?" He doubts it, so she
shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and
cheering from every Englishman in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering
The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a worse frock and
hat than he, considers what he could do.
"Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with just
one little wave of MY hand I can make every IRISH person in the crowd
go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that
of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will
forever speak of this day and rejoice."
The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of
your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.
These three women were sitting around one night talking
about their boyfriends when they decided they would
give their men nicknames based on kinds of soda.
The first woman said: "I'm gonna call Tom 'Mountain
Dew' because he is as strong as a mountain and always
wants to do it!"
The second woman said: "I'm gonna call Bruce '7-Up'
because he has Seven inches and it is always up!"
The third woman said: "I'm gonna call my man 'Jack Daniels'."
The other two women responded: "Jack Daniels? But
that's a hard liquor."
The third woman replied: "THAT'S MY LEROY!"
A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells
her that her hair smells nice.
The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him
that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why.
The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong
with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice."
The woman replies, "He's a midget."
One Too Many
On a flight to Chicago, Lewis had a serious problem. He had made several
attempts to get to the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. The
flight attendant noticed that he was taking short steps and had a look of
pain on his face. "Sir," she said, " You may use the ladies restroom if
you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He would have
promised and said anything at this point in time.
The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there savoring the feeling, he
noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was
identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one that had ATR. Who would
know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water
sprayed gently upon his ass. What a nice feeling. Men's rest rooms don't
have things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced
the Warm Water, gently drying his bottom. When this stopped he pushed the
PP button. A large Powder puff caressed his butt cheeks adding a fragile
scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies'
restroom is more than a restroom - it's a place of tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its cycle, he could hardly wait to press the
ATR button, which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Lewis knew he was in the hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse
was standing over him with a smirk on her face. "What happened?" he
exclaimed. "You pushed one to many buttons," replied the nurse. "The
last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is
under your pillow."
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 2 /15 /2000