Just before closing time, a pharmacist has one last customer, a Scottish
"I need some advice about this rubber. I need to know how much it
would cost to repair it, and how much a new one would cost."
The pharmacist gives him a cost estimate for the repairs, tells him
the price of a new rubber and asks the soldier to think it over and
let him know the next day.
Early the next morning, the private is back.
He says "The regiment has voted to replace."
Ted went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The
pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?" Ted answered,
"Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces." The pharmacist said
"That won't do you any good." Ted said "That's all right. I don't need them
for sex anymore as I am over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far
enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
Person to Person Call
A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to
her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300.00 she
exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to
get a messagen to my mother in Poland!"
The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?"
"Yes, anything", the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me". He walked into the next room
and ordered, "Come in and close the door". She did. He then said, "Get on
your knees". She did. Then he said, "Take down my zipper". She did.
He said, "Go ahead .. take it out". She took it out and grabbed hold
of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well ... go
The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close
to her lips she said loudly, "HELLO ... MOM???"
Another Bill Joke
Hillary went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished,
she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said he
was pleased and that she was in great shape, but that she was
She told the doctor no way, but he stated that she was most
definitely pregnant. She stormed out of the office and went to
the receptionist, took the phone, and called the President's
private line in the Oval office.
When Bill answered the phone, she screamed, "I can't believe
it; I am pregnant! You got me pregnant!!!"
The President remained silent on the phone. Again Hillary
screamed, "Didn't you hear me? I am pregnant! You got me
Finally, the President said: "Who is this?"
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. One was an
engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, the
fourth was a government worker.
To show off, the engineer called to his dog. "T-square, do your stuff."
T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and
promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the accountant said his dog could do better. He called to his dog and
said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.
He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the chemist said his dog could do better. He called to his dog and
said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the 'fridge, took
out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly
8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was pretty impressive.
Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, "What can
your dog do?"
The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your
stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk,
messed on the paper, mated with the other three dogs, claimed he injured
his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working
conditions, put in for workers' compensation and went home for the rest of the
day on sick leave.
They all agreed, that was brilliant.
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 3 /5 /2000