A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama
goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary
for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit
editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents
She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read,
'Billy Bob died'."
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am
there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries".
Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few
seconds says, "In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died -
1983 Pick-up for sale'.
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes
later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A
few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is
"What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush,
something comes up and squeezes the hell out of me."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..........
"You idiot!" "You're sitting on the mop bucket!!!!"
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world."
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is so clear that you can easily make out the face of the person
whose head you are holding under the water.
You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will show you.
You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! good dog! good dog!
The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.
In deep sleep hear sound
Cat throwup hairball somewhere.
Will find in morning
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.
Blur of motion, then --
Silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?
The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds --
Your foot just squashed one
You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
Sitting on your hands.
My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
Can hide my head.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper'?
Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Shouldn't leave around
Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner
Want to trim my claws?
Don't even think about it!
My cries will wake dead.
I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?
Wanna go outside.
Oh, no! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!
Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!
Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren't that sharp ...
Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!"
Litter box not here
You must have moved it again
I'll crap in the sink.
The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey"
We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 3 /11 /2000