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This guy and his girlfriend head to the local bar.
The girl says she'll be happy to pick up the round as she's heard of a new drink she wants him to try. She gets back to the table and has two drinks for him. One is a measure of Bailey's. The other full of lime juice.
She says, "Ok, what you have to do is swig the Bailey's, hold it in your mouth, and then drink the lime juice."
He looks a little dubious but does as he's told because she's really cute when she's enthusiastic.
First he swallows the Bailey's. Smooth. Creamy. A warm feeling in his mouth.
Then he chugs the lime juice. After about a second, the cream in the Bailey's curdles in his mouth.
Two seconds into it his face turns the color of fresh lime juice.
Three seconds and he finally calms his stomach enough to swallow the mess.
As he makes a face, she whispers sweetly in his ear, "It's called 'Blowjob Revenge'."

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your others parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, the ends move.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contract to the real world.

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.



Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands. They are called
"Dick Taters."

Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content towatch while others do the work. They are called
"Speck Taters."

Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They are called
"Comment Taters."

Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet. They are called
"Agie Taters."

There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help. They are called,
"Hezzie Taters."

Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not. They are called
"Emma Taters."

Then there are those who love to help and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others. They are called



A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord,I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies".

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 p.m. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love-which he managed to get through without complaint. The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back." The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied,

"My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll have to wait 9 months, though. You got pregnant last night"

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 3/30/02