12-12-2000
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Billy and the Bathroom
Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited
in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he
realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.
So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be
excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to
be quick.
Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate
and embarrassed. "I can't find it," he admitted.
The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to
where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find
it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on
his way.
Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and
says to the teacher "I can't find it."
Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at
the school for a while, to help him find the bathroom.
So Tommy and Billy go together and five minutes later they
both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks
Tommy "Well, did you find it?" Tommy is quick with his
reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards"
TOP
Never fool around with a Little old lady:
A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat
food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told
the check out girl. "Nothing but the best for my little kitten. "
The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat
food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food
to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for
your cat." The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it
back to the store.
They sold her the cat food.
The next day, the old lady went to the store and bought 12 of the most
expensive dog cookies - one for each day of Christmas. The cashier this
time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people
sometimes eat dog food.
Frustrated she went home, came back and brought in her dog.
One Doggie. She was then given the dog cookies.
The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old
lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said,
"No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured her that
there was nothing in the box that would bite her. So the cashier put her
finger into the box and pulled it out and told the little old lady, "That
smells like crap."
The little old lady grinned from ear to ear, "Now, my dear, can I please
buy three rolls of toilet paper?"
TOP
(True Story) ?????
Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the
following scam:
A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to
supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem
reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.
After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the
present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be
prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company
check.
However, due to the name of the company, few people ever bother to
present these to their banks. The name of the company:
'The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company'.
TOP
A ROUND OF GOLF
A father, son, and grandfather go out to play a round of golf. On the
way out to the first tee they are joking, boasting, and cussing. This is
very much the men's day out. Just before the son is ready to tee off, a
fine looking woman carrying her clubs approaches them. She explains that
her partner didn't show and asks if she can join them. Naturally, the guys
all agree.
Soon afterwards, the son starts grumbling because now he can't cuss in
her presence. The lady then turns to the three of them and says, "Listen,
boys, I don't care what the three of you do or say out here. Go ahead,
cuss, smoke, chew, spit or whatever, just don't try to coach me on my
game." She then proceeds to tee off.
All eyes are on her butt she bends over to place the ball on the tee.
She then knocks the hell out of the ball, right up the middle of the
fairway. She continues to amaze the three guys, shooting for at least par
on every hole. When they get to the 18th green, she has a 12 foot putt for
par. She turns around and says, "I want to thank you guys for not trying to
coach my games. But, I have never shot par before and I want your opinions
on this putt. If any of your opinions help me make par, then I'll give each
of you a night of hot sex that you'll never forget."
The son jumps at the thought. He strolls onto the green, eyes up the
putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says, "Lady, aim that putt six
inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left 12 inches from
the hole and will go into the cup."
Then, the father says, "Don't listen to the youngster. Aim 12 inches to
the right and the ball will break left 2 feet from the hole, and fall into
the cup."
The grandfather looks at the both of them in disgust. He walks over to
her ball on the green, picks it up, and says, "To hell with the putt,
that's a Gimme."
TOP
WHO ENJOYS IT MORE?
A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one another and
started bantering back and forth about male / female issues. They talked
about who was better in certain sports, who were the better entertainers,
etc. The flirting continued for more than an hour when the topic of sex
came up. So they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you
think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
He then went on for several hours arguing his point, even going so far
as to ask other men in the bar for their opinions. The woman listened
quietly until the man was finished making his point. Confident in the
strength of his argument, the man awaited her response.
"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this
- When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it
around, then pull it out, which feels better - your ear or your finger?
TOP
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I've got this problem you
see, only you've got to promise not to laugh."
The doctor replies, "Of course I won't laugh, that would be thoroughly
unprofessional. In over twenty years of being a doctor, I've never laughed
at a patient."
"OK then," says the man, and he drops his trousers. The doctor is
greeted by the sight of the tiniest penis he has ever seen in his life.
Unable to control himself, he falls about laughing on the floor. Ten
minutes later he is able to struggle up to his feet and wipe the tears from
his eyes.
"I'm so sorry," he says to the patient, "I don't know what came over
me, I won't let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
The man looks up at the doctor sadly and says, "It's swollen."
TOP
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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 4 /2 /2000