A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother
asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.
Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he
cuts a photo in half and sends her the top part.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his
grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally
sends the bottom half of the photo.
He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but
then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says,
"Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style....it makes your
nose look too short!"
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas
to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned
to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats
have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The
mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the
stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have
baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have
baby planes?" The stewardess asked, "Did your mother tell you to
ask me?" The boy said that she had. She then said, "Tell your
mother that Southwest always pulls out on time."
I'D NEVER THINK TO SAY THAT UNTIL MUCH LATER
I am a 61 year old male, I had an appointment to see a urologist who
shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was the size
of a small auditorium, and it was filled with patients. I approached the
desk and gave the receptionist -- a large, imposing woman who looked like a
wrestler -- my name. In a very loud voice she repeated my name, then said,
"Yes, I see your name here-----you want to see the doctor about IMPOTENCE,
right? I was stunned, but recovered my composure sufficiently to reply in
an equally loud voice, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change
operation---and I'd like the same doctor who did yours!!"
SURGERY IS OUT OF THE QUESTION
A young couple is out carousing one evening. While
driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If
I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?"
She agrees and he begins to speed up. When the speedometer
hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her
clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives
off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown clear
without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend
are trapped in the car. "Go get help.", he pleads.
She replies, "I can't, I'm naked."
He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says,
"Cover yourself with that and go get help."She takes
the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station
down the road. When she arrives she is frantic and yells
to the attendant, "HELP! HELP! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch
and replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."
A Lesson in High Finance
A rumpled man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan
officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs
to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a
loan. So the man -- clearly an eccentric -- hands over the keys to a new
Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks
out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An
employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it
Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which
comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your
business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a
little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you
are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow
The man replies, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks
for 15 bucks?"
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 4 /29 /2000