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Are you tired of all those mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a "friendship" poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself!

My Friend ...

When you are sad, ...I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue, ...I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile, ...I'll know you finally got laid.

When you are scared, ...I will rag you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried, ...I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused, ...I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.

When you are sick, ...stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall, ...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath, ...I pledge till the end.

Why you may ask?

Because you're my friend!

As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoebox on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it.

For fifty years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying.

One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important. Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash.

He took the box to her and asked about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. " She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."

Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice.

"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.

"Oh, that's the money I made selling the doilies." Aunt Edna replied.


Rules of the World in Simple Two-Cow Terms:

You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk and then pours it down the drain.

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.

You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.


Not A Joke

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible."
T.E. Lawrence

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 6/3/01