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Things To Ponder

1. What's the definition of a teenager?
God's punishment for enjoying sex.

2. Define Transvestite:
A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

3. What's the difference between the Pope and your boss?
The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies!
Tried it once and the seat folded up.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable.
Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.

10. The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work.

11. Americans are getting stronger.
Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollar's worth of groceries.
Today, a five-year-old can do it.

12. A blonde told her friend,
"I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid."

13. Why is a government worker like a shotgun with a broken firing pin?
It won't work and you can't fire it.

14. I'm so depressed...
I went to the Dr. today and he refused to write me a prescription for Viagra.
He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

Why do Blondes prefer cars with tilt steering wheels?

More Headroom, of course.

A Blonde driving down the highway noticed a person in a rowboat in a field to the side of the road, and realized it was a blonde woman.
The Blonde in the rowboat has oars and is laboriously rowing across the field.
The first Blonde stops the car, jumps out and screams at the woman in the rowboat, "You Stupid Bitch, you are the kind that gives Blondes a bad name! And if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!"



Chris returns home from vacation with a severe case of sunburn, so he goes to see his doctor. After the examination the doctor prescribes aloe vera lotion and viagra.

Looking a little confused Chris says, "I can understand you prescribing the aloe vera lotion, but why the Viagra?"
The doctor says, "The Viagra is to keep the sheets off you at night."

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 6/30/01