Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show. Lady luck had
smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her
opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had
run out before the show's host could ask her the big question.
Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous as her
husband drove them home. "I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew
what the answers are! You know I'm not going to sleep at all
tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.
"Relax honey," her husband, Roger, reassured her, "It will all be OK."
Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and
started heading out the door. "Where are you going?" Jane asked.
"I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon."
After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very
wide and wicked grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and
"What is it?" she cried excitedly.
"OK. The question is 'What are the three main parts of the male
anatomy?' And the answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.'" The
couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling at ease, plummeting into a
At 3:30 a.m., however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking
her the quiz show question. "The head, the heart, and the penis," Jane
replied groggily before returning to sleep. And Roger asked her again
in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again,
Jane replied correctly.
So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even
though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies.
The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of
the previous days' events, faced Jane and asked the big question.
"Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You
have 10 seconds."
"Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously.
"Very good. Six seconds."
"Eh, uh, the heart?"
"Very good! Four seconds."
"I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and
I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."
"That's close enough!" said the game show host,
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He
lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the
second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport
he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where
there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the
cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his
credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to
no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell
out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport
and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to
regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won
big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of
the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see
out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had
refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman
thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of
charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the
"How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked. "Fifteen bucks,"
came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"
"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and
asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his
old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, "How much
for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "Fifteen bucks."
The businessman said, "Ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove
slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile
and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.
A man was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting ready
to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man
with no arms dancing all around on the river bank. He thought to
himself, 'life isn't so bad after all,' and got off the railing.
He then walked down to the riverbank to thank the little man for
saving his life.
"Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and
kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no
arms, I changed my mind."
"I am not dancing," the armless man replied bitterly. "My
asshole itches, and I can't scratch it. Wanna help?
A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet
the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. But we sorry for
you, so give you one wish a day for three days.
On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?" The cowboy says, "I
want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the
horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The
horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde.
She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The
Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of
The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?" The cowboy says, "I
want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy
leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horses ear, then slaps
it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead.
She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians shake
their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and
can only think of one thing."
The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white
man. What you want?" The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The
Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists
them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"
A couple, both 67, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor
asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch
us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. The doctor examined
them and then directed them to disrobe and go at it. When
the couple finished, the doctor reexamined them and, upon
completion, advised the couple, "There's nothing wrong with
the way you have intercourse." He then charged them $32.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make
an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems
other than the lack of vigor which is to be expected in 67
year olds, get dressed, pay the doctor, and then leave.
Finally after almost two months of this routine, the doctor
asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "Oh, we're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married, so
we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. The
Hilton charges $78. We do it here for $32 and I get $28 back
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 7 /11 /2000