How about it?
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the
other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go
home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get
to the driveway, I shut off the engine and coast into the garage, I take
my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get
undressed in the bathroom, I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and
yells at me for staying out so late."
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the
wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the
steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my
wife's ass and say, How about a little?" and she pretends that she's
The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays,
exams, and class room discussions. Most were from fifth- and
sixth-graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the "most
interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know
and then stop."
One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet
in one second.
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with
atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When
planets do it we say they are orbiting.
While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun,
it is really only centrificating.
Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change
back into a sun in the daytime.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants
Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to be
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have
never been able to make out the numbers.
We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation
gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it,
and that is the important thing.
In making rain water, it takes everything from H to O.
Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill
the strongest man.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to
live other places.
THE BEST 1998 BUMPER STICKERS:
1. Jesus is coming--everyone look busy.
2. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
3. Horn broken, watch for finger.
4. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
5. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
6. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
7. Hang up and drive.
8. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
9. Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
10. Forget about world peace. Visualize using your turn signal
11. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
12. He/She who laughs last thinks slowest.
13. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 7/28/99