The Real Story
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful
garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy
snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?", comes the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a 'man,' Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an
enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you
properly. All in all he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be
bigger and faster and more muscular than you, he'll be really good
at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed
ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick.
But you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
What Causes Arthritis?
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a
half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled
guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much
alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.
Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State
Building when the first man turns to the other and says, "You know,
week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by
the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are
so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the
bar. The second guy says, "What are you a nut? There is no way in hell
that could happen."
"No, it's true," said the first man, let me prove it to you." He
gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets to the
street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him
around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the
elevator back up to the bar.
He met the second man, who looked quite astonished. "You know, I saw
that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."
"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again
just as he is hurling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently
carries him around the building and into the window.
Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. "Well, what the
hell," the second guy says, "it works, I'll try it!" He jumps over
the balcony plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors
...and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'
Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker, saying "You
know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 9/2/99