I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in the
suburb of Seatoun, and one of my sisters, who lives in
Palmerston North, is married to an Australian.
My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and
selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two
sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland. I have two brothers,
one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Mt.
Eden Prison, Auckland, for the rape and murder of a teenage boy
in 1994, the other currently being held in the Wellington remand
center on charges of incest with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute
who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a part time
"working girl" in a brothel, however, her time there is limited
as she has recently been infected with an STD.
We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking
into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiance
utilizing her knowledge of the industry, working as the manager.
I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our
team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves,
at least it would get them off the streets and, hopefully, the
My problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to
bringing her into the family and, of course, I want to be
totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my
brother-in-law being employed by Microsoft?
Subject: the fly
There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a
pile of fresh cow manure. Because it had been hours since his last
meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally,
he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away.
He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground.
As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork
leaning up against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and
jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to take
flight. Unfortunately he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting
when he hit the floor.
The moral to the story is...
Never fly off the handle when you're full of shit.
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You
might not want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not ?" asked someone from the back of the room.
"Well... I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years. She
made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table & cabinets,
often carrying a single item." the expert explained. "I suggested how she
might improve the quality of service."
"And did it work ?" the audience member persisted.
"Well... actually yes. It used to take her 25 minutes to fix me
breakfast. Now, I do it in eighteen."
Good News and Bad News
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his
paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the
owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work
and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death." "When I
told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor..."
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 9/4/99