10-14-2002

Alien Analogs

Klingon Deportment Academy : Can't you see it now? "Have the manners of a Klingon!" If Miss Manners calls you on it, you can skewer her in appropriate fashion - speaking of fashion...

Borg Fashion University : There's got to be some subtle fashion statements that can be made there.

Klingon Culinary Institute : I think Emeril would be WAY out of his league here.

Andoran Diplomatic Institute : Right. Diplomacy. Right.

Romulan Industrial College : I just can't see Romulans working away in their factories...

Vulcan Professional Wrestling : Worth a snicker or six Klingon Vocational-Technical institute : Learn how to sharpen your weapons AND fix your car.

Trill (symbiote) Historical Society : Who needs books when the symbiotes have lived it already?

Borg Musical Conservatory : Just imagine the tuneful afternoons...

Klingon School of Art and Dance : Klingon dance. That's almost as funny as an Amish Mosh Pit.

Romulan Federation Baseball : They would understand the strategy involved.

Klingon Hockey League : No Referees. No penalty boxes. No penalties. Ever. Losers die. No more of this namby-pamby hockey fight shit, either. If you're gonna fight with knives strapped to your feet, then someone should DIE!

and my personal favorite :
Klingon Professional Golfer's Association : I don't want to know what a hole in one means in that league. And being a caddy must be a real... exciting experience. Especially if you survive the round.

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Just Sad

Thibodeaux had 50 yard line tickets for the Super bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No", says Thibodeaux, "Dat seat be empty, yeah." "That's incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

Thibodeaux says, "Wail, dat seat belong wit me, yeah. I wuz commin wit my wife, but she dun pass on. Dis de first Super bowl we didn't came wit each otter since we bin married in 1960."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else...a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

Thibodeaux shakes his head sadly.

"No, dey all at de funeral."

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McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S' cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"

"Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"

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Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

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Overweight Blonde

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds!!

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from skipping,"

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 10/14/02