Bill & Hillary Clinton host a large bipartisan dinner party in their
personal residence quarters at the White House, including a number of
current and former members of Congress, former Presidents Carter,
Ford and Bush, along with former Vice Presidents Mondale and Quayle.
After the introductory speeches during dinner, Vice President Dan
Quayle excused himself to use the bathroom, one adjacent to the First
Family's private living room. After a couple of minutes, he returns
to his seat, looking rather smug, but says nothing to his wife at the
After the dinner, as the Quayles returned home, Dan turned to Marilyn
and said, "Did you know Bill has a solid-gold urinal in his bathroom?
How can he pretend to be serious about cutting the budget after
Marilyn's initial look of shock turns to a sly grin as she turns to
her husband and says, "We've really caught him with his pants down
this time! As soon as we get home, why don't you call up the paper
and give them a little 'insider' information, dear?"
"That's an excellent idea, Marilyn!" says Dan to his lovely wife.
"You know, sometimes you're just too smart," as he leans over to hug
and give his wife a quick kiss on the cheek.
The following morning, after the morning editions of the papers have
been delivered to the White House residence, Hillary Clinton opens
the newspaper over breakfast only to see a bold headline stating
"CLINTONS SPLURGE ON GOLD URINAL SAYS QUAYLE."
Shaking her head, Hillary smirks and shouts up to the bedroom, "Bill!
I think I know who peed in your Saxophone!"
One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He was loaded, and
he had everything; money, a big house in Beverly Hills, drugs, girls, cars,
planes; anything he wanted.
The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had
filled his pool with crocodiles. So there he was, him and his friends all
standing around drinking, getting high and partying next to the pool. The
guy gets up off the life guard tower and all his friends look up. He calls
for silence and says "OK, the first person that swims across my pool will
get all my money."
No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, draws on his
joint and says "OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my
money and my house."
Still no one moves. "OK then, the first person that
swims across my pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and
Still, no one moves, not even a eye blinks this time. "OK then,
all my money, my house, all my cars, all my planes, all the dope you can
handle, all my property, all my stocks and bonds and investments and all
the girls you can handle; everything I own."
"Splash!" Someone's in the pool. Crocodiles are all over him, but he
rolls over like Tarzan, he's all over the place, fighting and dodging.
Finally he gets out of the pool on the other side. The rich guy on tower
jumps down and runs over to him.
"That was incredible! I never thought that I would ever see that done. Do
you want the money now or later?"
"I don't want the money."
"Do you want the house now or later?"
"I don't want the house."
"Do you want the cars and planes now or later?"
"I don't want the cars or the planes."
"Do you want the bonds, stocks and stuff now or later?"
"I don't want the bonds or stocks."
"Do you want the girls now or later?"
"I don't want the girls."
The rich guy looks at him and says "Well what the hell do you want?!?!"
"I want the bastard that pushed me in."
"Normally accidents like this shouldn't happen,"
reasoned a Caputh, Germany, police spokesman.
A motorist following driving
instructions on the satellite navigation computer in his BMW drove down a
ferry ramp into the Havel River, he said, without realizing the only way he
could cross the river was to wait for the ferry.
The 57-year-old driver was
not injured. "This sort of thing can happen when people rely too much on
technology," the police spokesman said. (Reuters) ...Leading to a required
label, "Warning: User still must watch out window when driving."
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 10/19/99