Superman was feeling bored after a long streak of crime fighting and wanted
to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a
club and pick up some girls.
Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look
after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he
fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she
was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Women naked on the bed
with her legs open.
Superman thought to himself: "I'm faster than a
speeding bullet I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she
knew what was happening." So Superman did his super thing in a split second
and flew off happily.
Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder Women said: " Did you
hear something?" "No!" said the Invisible Man, "but my ass hurts like hell!"
To Whom It May Concern:
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult, in order to
accept the responsibilities of a six-year-old. The tax base is lower. I
want to be six again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think it's the best place in the world to eat.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make waves with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money, because you can eat them.
I want to play kickball during recess and stay up on Christmas Eve
waiting to hear Santa and Rudolph on the roof.
I long for the days when life was simple. When all you knew were your
colors, the addition tables and simple nursery rhymes, but it didn't
bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know, and you didn't care.
I want to go to school and have snack time, recess, gym and field trips.
I want to be happy, because I don't know what should make me upset.
I want to think the world is fair and everyone in it is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible. Sometime, while I was
maturing, I learned too much. I learned of nuclear weapons, prejudice,
starving and abused kids, lies, unhappy marriages, illness, pain and
mortality. I want to be six again.
I want to think that everyone, including myself, will live forever,
because I don't know the concept of death.
I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life and be overly excited by
the little things again. I want television to be something I watch for
fun, not something used for escape from the things I should be doing.
I want to live knowing the little things that I find exciting will always
make me as happy as when I first learned them. I want to be six again.
I remember not seeing the world as a whole, but rather being aware of
only the things that directly concerned me.
I want to be naive enough to think that if I'm happy, so is everyone else.
I want to walk down the beach and think only of the sand beneath my feet
and the possibility of finding that blue piece of sea glass I'm looking
I want to spend my afternoons climbing trees and riding my bike, letting
the grownups worry about time, the dentist and how to find the money to
fix the car.
I want to wonder what I'll do when I grow up and what I'll be, who I'll
be and not worry about what I'll do if this doesn't work out. I want that
I want to use it now as an escape, so that when my computer crashes, or I
have a mountain of paperwork, or two depressed friends, or a fightwith my
spouse, or bittersweet memories of times gone by, or second thoughts
about so many things, I can travel back and build a snowman, without thinking
about anything except whether the snow sticks together and what I can
possibly use forthe snowman's mouth.
I want to be six again.
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked
robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily
the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because
it's too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room
in tears. "What's wrong" asks the mother. "I was having a wee and
this bullet came out" replies the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay
and explains what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. "Mom,
I was having a wee and this bullet came out". Again the mother
tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.
A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. "It's okay"
says the mom, "I know what happened, you were having a wee and a bullet
came out." "No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 11/20/99