Three Labrador retrievers - a brown, yellow, and black - are sitting
in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation.
The black lab turns to the brown and says, "So why are you here?"
The brown lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything - the
sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last
night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed.
The black lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?"
"Gonna give me Prozac," came the reply from the brown lab. "All the
vets are prescribing it. It works for everything."
The black lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you here?"
The yellow lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up
flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside,
I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when
I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."
"So what are they going to do to you?", the black lab inquired.
"Looks like Prozac for me too," the dejected yellow lab said.
The yellow lab then turns to the black lab and asks what he's at the
vet's office for.
I'm a humper," the black lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the
cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump
everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the
shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help
myself-I hopped on her back and started humping away."
The yellow and brown labs exchange a sad glance and say, "So,
Prozac for you too, huh?"
The black lab says, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."
I wouldn't object to my wife having the last word
-- if only she'd get to it.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America
The rest cheat in Europe.
Why does a woman work for years to change a man's habits and then
complain that he's not the man she married?
Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.
One is to let her think she is having her own way
and the other is to let her have it.
Don't marry a man to reform him
-- that's what reform schools are for.
An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have
-- the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
When you're in love, it's the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.
My husband is German
-- every night I get dressed up like Poland and he invades me.
The same time that women came up with PMS,
--men came up with ESPN.
Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give
you a little love, a little affection and a little tenderness?
It means you're in the wrong house.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing
-- and then marry him.
I married the first man I ever kissed.
When I tell my children that, they just about throw up.
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
Just be considerate, accept each other for what you are, and don't point out that the hair he's losing on his head is now growing out of his nose
-- and his ears.
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Love is what happens to men and women who don't know each other.
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
Two people can live as cheaply as one.
For half as long.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, "You're only interested in one thing!"
--and you can't remember what it is.
You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a pot belly and a bald spot.
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations
--we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
In some countries being president is just an honorary position
-- like being a husband in Hollywood.
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said,
--"Get the hell off my property".
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 12/1/99