Comprehending Engineers-Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking minding my own business
when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; The clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers-Take Two
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant
and get some work done."
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half- empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Top 30 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO
1. Pedal-powered dialysis machines.
2. Use of antibiotics deemed an "unauthorized experimental procedure,"
3. Head-wound victim in the waiting room is on the last chapter of
"War and Peace,"
4. You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.
5. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.
6. Exam room has a tip jar.
7. You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on the instrument
tray just before the anesthesia kicked in.
8. "Will you be paying in eggs or pelts?"
9. Tight budget prevents acquisition of separate rectal thermometers.
10. "Take two leeches and call me in the morning,"
11. The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding turnip.
12. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
13. Covered postnatal care consists of leaving your baby on Mia
14. Radiation treatment for cancer patients requires them to walk
around with a postcard from Chernobyl in their pocket.
15. "Pre-natal vitamin" prescription is a box of Tic-Tacs.
16. Chief Surgeon graduated from University of Benihana.
17. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you
enter the trailer park,"
18. Doctor listens to your heart through a paper towel tube.
19. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is "an
apple a day,"
20. Only participating Physicians are Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine.
21. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
22. Plan covers only "group" gynecological exams.
23. Preprinted prescription pads that say "Walk it off, candy ass,"
24. To avoid a time consuming and expensive throat culture, the doctor
just French kisses you.
25. Recycled bandages.
26. You can get your flu shot as soon as "the" hypodermic needle is
27. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to
Goodwill last month.
28. 24-hour claims line is 1-800-TUF-LUCK
29. Costly MRI equipment efficiently replaced by an oversized 2-sided
30. Enema? The lavatory faucet swivels to face upward.
Subject: Genie Granting Wishes At The Law Firm
A secretary, a paralegal and a partner in a city law firm are walking
through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie
says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says, "I want
those two back in the office after lunch."
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 12/4/99