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Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon

Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon

Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon

Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1.25 = $10.00 per gallon

Milk 16 oz for $ 1.59 = $12.72 per gallon

STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3.15 = $33.60 per gallon

Vick's Nyquil 6 oz for $ $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon

Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $ $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon

Whiteout 7 oz for $1.39 = $25.42 per gallon

Scope 1.5 oz for $0.99 = $84.48 per gallon

And this is the REAL KICKER...

Evian Water 9 oz for $1.49 = $21.49 per gallon.........$21.49 FOR WATER!!!!

So next time you're at the pump,
Be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil, Pepto Bismol, or Scope!

When Little Johnny was just a youngster, he went to the drug-store. He asked the pharmacist, "Sir, can you tell me where the ribbed condoms are?"

The druggist replied, "Son, do you know what condoms are used for?"

"Sure do. They keep you from getting venereal diseases."

The druggist was impressed. "That's right, son. Do you know what the ribs are for?"

Johnny paused and then answered, "Well, not really, but they sure do make the hair on my goat's back stand up!"


Thank God for the Law...

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (very helpful)

Muslim people are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Wonder which head?)

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

In Maryland, America it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is that a great country or what? ... Not as great as Guam!)

In a large Florida city, the local rabbi developed quite a reputation for his sermons; so much so that everyone in the community came every Shabbos (sabbath).

Unfortunately, one weekend a member had to visit Long Island for his nephew's Bar Mitzvah. But he didn't want to miss The Rabbi's sermon. So he decided to hire a "Shabbos goy" (a non-Jew) to sit in the congregation and tape the sermon so he could listen to it when he returned.

Other congregants saw what was going on, and they also decided to hire "Shabbos goys" to tape the sermon so they could play golf instead of going to shul. Within a few weeks time there were 500 gentiles sitting in shul taping the Rabbi.

The Rabbi got wise to this. The following Shabbos he, too, hired a Shabbos goy who brought a tape recorder to play his prerecorded sermon on a tape player.

Witnesses said this marked the first incidence in history of "artificial insermonation."


Good News and Bad News For a Pastor

Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current.

Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.

Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.

Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied.

Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men's softball team.

Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage.

Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
Bad News: You were on vacation.

A dad walks into the market followed by his ten- year-old son. The kid is spinning a 25 cent piece in the air and catching it between his teeth.

As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat.

He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.

A middle-aged, fairly un-noticeable man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market.

Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but only just) the man carefully takes hold of the kid's testicles and squeezes gently but firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the 25 cent piece, which the man catches in his free hand. Releasing the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill-effects, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him.

The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the father's thanks. As he's about to leave, the father asks one last question:

"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before - it was fantastic- what are you, a surgeon or something like that?"

"Oh, good heavens no" the man replies "I work for the IRS."

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 12 /09 /2000