YOU THINK THE PRICE OF GAS IS EXPENSIVE????
Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1.25 = $10.00 per gallon
Milk 16 oz for $ 1.59 = $12.72 per gallon
STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3.15 = $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz for $ $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $ $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz for $1.39 = $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz for $0.99 = $84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...
Evian Water 9 oz for $1.49 = $21.49 per gallon.........$21.49 FOR WATER!!!!
So next time you're at the pump,
Be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil, Pepto Bismol, or Scope!
When Little Johnny was just a youngster, he went to the drug-store. He
asked the pharmacist, "Sir, can you tell me where the ribbed condoms are?"
The druggist replied, "Son, do you know what condoms are used for?"
"Sure do. They keep you from getting venereal diseases."
The druggist was impressed. "That's right, son. Do you know what the
ribs are for?"
Johnny paused and then answered, "Well, not really, but they sure do
make the hair on my goat's back stand up!"
Thank God for the Law...
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex
with animals, but the animals must be female.
Having sexual relations with a male animal is
punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a
woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking
directly at them during the examination. He may
only see their reflection in a mirror. (very
Muslim people are banned from looking at the
genitals of a corpse. This also applies to
undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must
be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all
times. (A brick??)
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is
decapitation. (Wonder which head?)
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to
travel the countryside and deflower young
virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having
sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam
law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to
marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there
any job anywhere else in the world that even
comes close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed
to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do
so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on
the other hand, may be killed in any manner
desired. (Ah! Justice!)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool,
England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with
her husband, and the first time this happens, her
mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man
to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the
same time. (I presume this was a big enough
problem that they had to pass this law?)
In Maryland, America it is illegal to sell
condoms from vending machines with one exception
prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending
machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages
are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is
that a great country or what? ... Not as great as
In a large Florida city, the local rabbi developed quite a reputation for
his sermons; so much so that everyone in the community came every Shabbos
Unfortunately, one weekend a member had to visit Long Island for his
nephew's Bar Mitzvah. But he didn't want to miss The Rabbi's sermon.
So he decided to hire a "Shabbos goy" (a non-Jew) to sit in the
congregation and tape the sermon so he could listen to it when he
Other congregants saw what was going on, and they also decided to
hire "Shabbos goys" to tape the sermon so they could play golf instead
of going to shul. Within a few weeks time there were 500 gentiles
sitting in shul taping the Rabbi.
The Rabbi got wise to this. The following Shabbos he, too, hired a
Shabbos goy who brought a tape recorder to play his prerecorded
sermon on a tape player.
Witnesses said this marked the first incidence in history of
Good News and Bad News For a Pastor
Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current.
Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.
Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way
you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search
committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.
Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches
things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied.
Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show,"
"Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre."
Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men's softball team.
Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your
Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three
Bad News: You were on vacation.
A dad walks into the market followed by his ten-
year-old son. The kid is spinning a 25 cent
piece in the air and catching it between his
As they walk through the market someone bumps
into the boy at just the wrong moment and the
coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges
in his throat.
He immediately starts choking and going blue in
the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and
screaming for help.
A middle-aged, fairly un-noticeable man in a gray
suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market
reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of
At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts
his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds
his newspaper and places it on the counter. He
gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried
way across the market.
Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but only
just) the man carefully takes hold of the kid's
testicles and squeezes gently but firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently
and coughs up the 25 cent piece, which the man
catches in his free hand. Releasing the boy, the
man hands the coin to the father and walks back
to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered
no lasting ill-effects, the father rushes over to
the man and starts effusively thanking him.
The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the
father's thanks. As he's about to leave, the
father asks one last question:
"I've never seen anybody do anything like that
before - it was fantastic- what are you, a
surgeon or something like that?"
"Oh, good heavens no" the man replies "I work for
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 12 /09 /2000