A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started...the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts." And the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts." And they all sat back down in their seats.
After a home run hit the doctor yelled,"Cheer Nuts." They all broke out into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well...the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog...leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked, "What happened?"
The assistant replied, "Well...everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled... PEANUTS!!!"
Soup Du Jour
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the
soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens,"
he said, "what is this?"
"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.
"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"
Lesser Known Facts
1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by
ropes when you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the
bed firmer to sleep on. that's where the phrase, "goodnight, sleep
tight" came from.
2. The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses
every letter in the alphabet. (developed by Western Union to test
3. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a
letter is uncopyrightable.
4. When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They
actually pass out from sheer terror.
5. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every
year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account
the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
6. The term "the whole 9 yards" came from W.W.II fighter pilots in the
Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber
machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded
into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it
got "the whole 9 yards."
7. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from beer making, where the optimal temperature
range for brewing can be estimated by sticking one's thumb into the brew.
8. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
9. The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the
"General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.
10. The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for
each gallon of diesel that it burns.
11. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
12. No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has
ever won a Super Bowl.
13. The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver."
14. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
15. In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting
16. It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a
year's supply of footballs.
17. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating
are already married.
18. There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big Mac bun.
19. The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.
20. The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola,
and Budweiser, in that order.
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 12/22/01