A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the pharmacist, "I
want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find
The pharmacist replied, "Oh sir, you must mean that you want
the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle 4."
"No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it,"
growled the farmer.
"Sir," said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining,
"PESTICIDE is for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for killing sperm. I'm
sure that you mean spermicide instead of pesticide."
"Listen here," argued the farmer, "I want condoms with PESTICIDE on it, my
wife's got a bug up her ass, and I aim to kill it."
NOBEL PRIZE AWARDED TO LOCAL MAN
The latest Nobel Prize Laureate is Alice resident, Mr. Wesley Moore.
Mr. Moore was nominated for this prestigeous prize by The National
Burglar Alarm Association, The National Organization for Women, The
National Rifle Association, The American Legion, The Daughters of the
American Revolution, The American Auto Association, Planned Parenthood,
Weight Watchers, Daughters of the Republic of Texas, The American Bar
Association, The American Medical Association, The National Council of
Churches, The American Dental Association, The American Federation of
Labor, The Association of American Sororities, and the White House.
After years of dedicated work and experimentation, Mr. Moore has
finally developed a safe and effective variation on the viagra pill that
increases potency, that drastically increases sperm production and that
causes sperm to taste like chocolate.
Mr. Moore has also been nominated for for the French Legion of Honor
and is being considered for beadification, the first step toward sainthood.
He especially wishes to thank his beloved wife for all her efforts and
assistance in researching this development."
An elderly couple were enjoying the evening by swinging on the front porch
and looking at the beautiful sunset.
After a few minutes the ol' lady reaches over and knocks the hell out of
the ol' man who goes flying off the porch and into the bushes
The ol' man slowly gets up and makes his way back to his seat next to his
wife on the swing. He sits there for a few minutes and then asks, "What
was that for Ma?" She replies: "That's for having a small one!"
A few more minutes go by and the ol' man reaches over and knock the hell
out of his wife, who also goes flying off the porch and into the bushes.
She slowly gets up and makes her way back to her seat next to Pa. She sits
here a few minutes and then asks, "What was that for PA?"
He replies: "That's for knowing there was more than one size."
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands directly
next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his haircut, eating her snack
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your
She says, "I know. I'm gonna get boobs too."
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the
upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at
On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he
found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking
confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as
possible and then busied himself with desk work.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and
stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 12 /30 /2000