There was a merchant in Baghdad
who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant
came back, white and trembling, and said, "Master, just now when I was in the
market-place I was jostled by a woman in the crowd and when I turned I saw it
was Death that jostled me.
She looked at me and made a threatening gesture;
now, lend me your horse, and I will ride away from this city and avoid my fate.
I will go to Samarra and there death will not find me."
The merchant lent him
his horse, and the servant mounted it, and he dug his spurs in its flanks and
as fast as the horse could gallop he went. Then the merchant went down to the
marketplace and he saw me standing in the crowd and he came to me and said,
"Why did you make a threatening gesture to my servant when you saw him this
"That was not a threatening gesture," I said, "it was only a start
of surprise. I was astonished to see him in Baghdad, for I had an appointment
with him tonight in Samarra."
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper exclaimed, "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK, ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine,"the blonde chirped."
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began.
"I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."
"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
Jay and his blonde wife live in Chicago. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Jay's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Jay's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park...", then the electric power goes out.
Jay's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do."
Jay says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odour.
"Do you wash?" the doctor asked the smelly young girl.
"Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my
head and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at
my feet and I wash up as far as possible."
"Well," the doctor concluded, "Go home and wash
As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill
instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone
AWOL, so a search party was dispatched immediately.
After a few hours, the recruit was discovered hiding
in some bushes nearby. He was sent back to the base
and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's
The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you
The recruit replied, "On my first day here, you
issued me a comb and then proceeded to cut my hair
off. On the second day, you issued me a toothbrush and
then sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull out
my teeth. Finally, on the third day, you issued me a
jock strap... and I wasn't about to wait around to
find out what would follow that, Sir."
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 12/31/01