01-30-2000

. . . Be C A R E F U L what you wish for . . . .

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?" The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.

"One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream. So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes."

So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, "You now have 3 wishes." I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We then made love for hours! Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?" I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"

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TEN SAYINGS OF BIBLICAL MOTHERS

10. Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don't know where it's been! (Judges 14:5-8)

9. David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons!

8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper!

7. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego! Leave those clothes outside, you smell like a dirty ol' furnace!

6. Cain! Get off your brother! You're going to kill him some day!

5. Noah! No, you can't keep them! I told you, don't bring home any more strays!

4. Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again? Look at your clothes! (Judges 6:11)

3. James and John! No more burping contests at the dinner table, please. People are going to call you the sons of thunder! (Mark 3:17)

2. Judas! Have you been in my purse again?!

1. Jesus! What do you think, you were born in a barn?

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Two couples were playing cards.

John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.

When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing any underwear!

Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.

Bill's wife followed him and asked, " Did you see anything that you liked under the table?"

John admitted that, well, yes he did.
She said "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."
After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested.
She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2PM on Friday.

Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 PM.
After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and then John left.

Bill came home about 6:00 PM.
He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"
Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."

Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?"
She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!'
Finally she says, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."

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Dear John,

I know we have not known each other very long and I should not be asking you this so soon. But I want it so bad, so please don't get me wrong. It's something I haven't had in a long time. I can already feel it going in so good and hard and coming out soft and wet. No one will ever know. I'm very desperate and with your help I will be grateful to you. You must think I have a lot of nerve, but I feel my tongue wrapping around it sucking out the juice until there is no more. This has been on my mind all day long. I don't want to beat around the bush any longer, so can I please have a piece of gum?

P.S. If you were thinking about something else, you have a dirty and nasty mind.

Yours truly,
Jessica

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 1 /30 /2000