02-26-2000

Women's T-Shirt sayings

* Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
* Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?
* I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
* Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
* I hate everybody, and you're next.
* Please don't make me kill you.
* And your point is...
* I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.
* I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
* Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
* Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.
* You KNOW you want me.
* Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time...
* Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
* Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
* I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
* Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
* You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
* All stressed out and no one to choke.
* I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
* How can I miss you if you won't go away?
* Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
* If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
* Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear.

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Easter Bunny Story

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do? "
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp,dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of he can onto the little furry animal. Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved hopped another 50 yards and waved again!!!!
The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what could possibly be in that woman's spray can!! He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.

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A guy suspects his wife is cheating on him. One day, he dials his home and a strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid" , said the man.

The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the lady of the house."

The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

The woman replied, "She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

The maid says, "What will I have to do?"

The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and the gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"

The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."

Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here."

A long pause and the man says, "Is this 555-4821?"

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 2 /26 /2000