03-22-2000

This blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No. Just up to my tits."

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Corporate Ladder

The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on corporate America recreation preferences:
1. Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: bowling.
2. Sport of choice for front line workers: football.
3. Sport of choice for supervisors: baseball.
4. Sport of choice for middle management: tennis.
5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: golf.

CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls.

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Hmmmm,,,,,

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs?
Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
It's just stale bread to begin with.

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Philips Screwdriver?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a "whack"?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

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There was this blonde woman that hated to drive in bad weather. One night after leaving work the roads were all snowy and she was scared to drive home. She was sitting in her car and thought of something that her father had once told her; in bad weather, pull over and wait for a snow plow to come by, and when it does get behind it. So she did just that, and sure enough a plow came by and she got behind it and stayed behind it!!

Meanwhile, the snow plow driver notices her behind him and decides to pull over. He gets out and walks back to her car and asks, "Ma'am, I can't help but notice you've been following me for quite some time, is there a problem?". "Oh, no", she replied, "my father once told me that in bad weather I should get behind a snow plow."

"Well ma'am, I just wanted you to know that when we're finished here at Wal-Mart, we'll be heading over to K-Mart's lot."

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FEMALE GOLFER

Three women were out golfing one day and one of them hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to retrieve it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes - that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay." For her first wish she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, and women will flock to him."

The woman replied, "That will be okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, poof! - she's the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
Again the frog warned, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be 10 times richer than you."

The woman said, "That will be okay, because what is mine is his, and what is his is mine."

So, poof! - she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish and she answered, "I'd like to have a 'MILD HEART ATTACK'".

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 3 /22 /2000