04-21-2002

The Repairman

Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman.

Since she had to go to work the next day, she told him,"I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Doberman. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT under ANY circumstances talk to my parrot!"

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Doberman he had ever seen. But just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.

However, the parrot drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

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Experience Versus Youth at the Construction Site

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that other building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right.
Get in."

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A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, "Super sex! Super sex!" She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. She flipped her gown in front of him and said, "Super sex!"

He sat silently for a moment or two looking up at her. Then he finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

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Redneck Logic

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. Bubba goes in first, and the professor advises him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" asked Bubba. The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed-eater?"

"I sure do," answered the redneck.

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard." replied the professor. "That's real good." the redneck responded in awe. The professor continued: "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also have a house." Impressed, the redneck shouted, "GAWL-LEEE!!"

"And since you own a house and a house is tough to take care of by yourself, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"Sally Mae! This is incredible!" (Bubba is obviously catching on.)

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically can assume that you are heterosexual rather than homosexual" said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard of. I can't wait to take this here logic class." Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Cooter is still waiting. "So what classes are ya takin?" he asks. "Math, history, and logic," replies Bubba.

"What in tarnation is logic?"

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed-eater?"

"No," replies Cooter.

"You're a queer, ain't ya?"

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Kin yew breathe?

Two Hillbillies in Arkansas were having the blue plate special (Road Kill) at their favorite diner, when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, a few bar stools down, turning blue from wolfing down a burger too fast. The first hillbilly said to the other,
"Think we otta' hep?" "I reckon," said the second hillbilly.

The first hillbilly got up and walked over to the lady and asked, "Kin yew breathe?"

She shook her head no.

"Kin yew talk?" he asked.

She again shook her head no.

With that he helped her to her feet, lifted up her skirt and licked her on the butt. She was so shocked, she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe, with great relief.

The first hillbilly turned back to his friend and said, "Funny how that there Hind Lick Maneuver works ever'time .

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 4/21/02