05-06-1999
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A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
"Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight - lots of other bunny rabbits, all nibbling at the lush grass.
"Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked.
"Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"
"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat that as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full.
"It's fantastic out here in the world!" he told them.
"So, are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked.
"I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."
"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the lab. I'm dying for a cigarette."
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A group of managers was given the assignment of measuring the height of a flagpole. They go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, but they continually fall off the ladders and drop the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.
An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.
After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs.
"Isn't that just like an engineer! We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"
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One good thing about a nudist wedding is that you can always tell who the best man is.
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A Japanese man had his heart set on becoming a Rabbi. He was warned that many years of training were required but he went ahead anyway.
After more than five years of extensive training, he took his final exams and felt sure he had passed with flying colors. However, the
Rabbi Review Board informed him he had failed the exam!
He was astonished & demanded to know why he had failed. The Review Board Chairman told him, "Members of the Jewish faith don't like it when you perform circumcisions by using a karate chop while yelling
'a-a-a-i-i-i-e-e-e!' ".
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In the days when the garment industry was based in NYC, the "models" were also bookkeepers or clerks who worked in the office between visits by buyers. Usually immigrants, they took jobs to support their parents and to find husbands. One particularly attractive young woman was ardently pursued by her aging bachelor boss. He gave her costly presents and even proposed marriage. "Dollink, you marry me, you'll live like a queen, in an apartment on the Grand Concourse (a highly
desirable residential avenue in the Bronx, sought by the upwardly mobile Jews from the East Side)"
When she said she would marry him, he said, "You know, in this business, we show samples. If I'm going to marry you, I want to know
how you are in bed, so how about a sample?"
The young woman was indignant and the man was insistent. "I'm a respectable girl," she insisted. He persisted. Finally she said, "In
this business, we don't always see samples. So how about it if I give you references?"
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A young Jewish couple had come to a crisis in their Jewish belief and they decided that they could no longer continue in that faith. They approached the young man's father, who was a strict Jew with a very limited outlook.
"Father," said the young man, "we can no longer remain Jewish. We have lost our faith!"
Astonished the father replied, "But you must have some religious faith. What will you become?"
"Christian Scientists, father," replied the son.
Relieved the father said, "Well then, why don't you just become Jewish Scientists?"
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The storm had dumped tons of snow on the streets of Brooklyn and Katz was closing his bakery when a man came in.
The poor guy had a muffler wrapped around his knitted cap and the collar of his down jacket pulled up around his neck. He shook off the snow, stamped his ice-covered feet and sniffled. "I want a cinnamon Danish, a Viennese twist and two rolls," he wheezed.
Katz shook his head. "Your wife sent you out on a night like this for a cinnamon Danish, a Viennese twist and two rolls?" he asked.
The customer snorted. "Of course, my wife. Would my mother let me out in this weather?"
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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 6/9/99