05-12-2001

Someone earlier suggested a striking similarity between Rush Limbaugh and Barney the purple dinosaur. For comparison's sake:

	Barney	Rush
Large Clumsy Animal?	YES	YES
Garish, Tight-fitting Clothes?	YES	YES
Oversized Head And Oversized Rump?	YES	YES
Stupid,Repetitious Song That Is Repeated Ad Naseum?	"I Love You, You Love Me"	"I Hate Bill, I Hate Hillary"
Idiotic Plastic Grin No Matter What He's Saying?	YES	YES
Beloved By Some But Hated By Others?	YES	YES
Appeals Mostly To Those Of Limited Ability To Think For Themselves?	YES	YES
Makes More Money Than Is Warranted By Talent?	YES	YES
Spawn Of Satan?	Some Say Yes	Some Say Yes

I think the evidence is clear!

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An old man turned 115 and was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper. During the interview the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together. A very pretty girl of about 19 served the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and running errands for them.

"Are these your grand kids?" the reporter asked. "Naw, sir, they all be my younguns," the old man replied with a sly grin.
"Your kids?" said the reporter. "What about this beautiful young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your children too?"
"Naw, sir," said the old man. "She be my wife." "Your wife?" said the surprised reporter. "But she can't be more than 19 years old."
"Thass right," said the old man with pride.
"Well, surely you can't have a sex life with you being 115 and she being only 19," the reporter remarked.
"Naw, sir, " said the old man. "We have sex every night.
Every night two of my boys helps me on it, and every morning six of my boys helps me off."
"Wait just one minute," said the newspaperman. "Why does it only take two of your boys to put you on, but it takes six of them to take you off?"
"Cause," the spry old man said with a balled fist,
"I fights 'em."

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In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with their own Japanese haiku poetry, each with only 17 syllables: five in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third.
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Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

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The website you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

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Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent and reboot.
Order shall return.

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Aborted effort.
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

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Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

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A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

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Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

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Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 5/12/01