05-22-1999
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APPLICATION FOR A REDNECK DRIVER'S LICENSE
Last name: ________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: _________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet
Number of children living in household: _____
Number of children living in shed: _____
Number of children that are yours: _____
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Do you own a pickup:
[_] Yes [_] No (If no please explain:_____________________________)
Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194___
Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No (If no please explain:_____________________________)
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck ____ kitchen
____ bedroom ____ bathroom
____ shed
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable
How many teeth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow [_] Brown
[_] Black [_] N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know
TOP
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the lady behind the wheel was knitting! The trooper cranked down his window and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"No," the lady yelled back, "It's a scarf!"
TOP
You might be a Redneck Jedi Warrior if:
You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.
At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
You have bantha horns on the front of your land speeder.
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
You ever lost a hand during a light saber fight because you had to spit.
The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
Wookies are offended by your B.O.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the darkside...it'll be a hoot."
You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electroshock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder.
You think Han Solo would look better in a flannel cause he looks like a little sissy in that vest.
You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
You ever fell in love with your sister.
You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader's evil empire as "them damn Yankees."
You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with red wood deck.
You were the only person drinking Jack Daniel's on the rocks during the cantina scene.
In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow just "ain't right."
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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 6/9/99