05-28-1999

FACTOIDS

It is estimated that 9 out of 10 American women do this with their feet.
>Wear shoes at least 2 sizes too narrow.

Only 14% of Americans say they've done this with the opposite sex. What is it?
>Skinny dipping.

If you're single, there's a 2 in 3 chance you did this the last time you were with your significant other.
>Lied.

A "Bridal Guide" survey reveals that 77% of all newlywed couples do this.
>Have sex in rooms other than the bedroom.

It takes an average woman 14 minutes to do this after she gets in bed.
>Turn off the lights.

The odds are 1 in 2 that your best friend will do this if you are a married man.
>Fantasize about your wife.

What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
>All invented by women.

Some Men are "pee pee" shy in public. Experts agree that this will help them go.
>Multiply numbers in their head.

42% of all women over the age of 26 who have done this, never get married.
>Had an affair with a married man.

There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year.
>Father's Day

What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is most ironic?
>He was allergic to carrots.

The average woman spends 2.7 years of her life where?
>In the bathroom.

40% of all people who come to a party in your home do this?
>Snoop in your medicine cabinet.

3.9% of all women surveyed say they never do this.
>Wear underwear.

About 1/3 of all Americans say they do this while sitting?
>Flush the toilet.

85% of the guys who die while having sex are doing this.
>Cheating on their spouse.

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YOU MIGHT BE A TEACHER IF.....

You believe the staff room should be equipped with a valium salt lick.

You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers off."

You believe chocolate is a food group.

You can tell it's a full moon without even looking outside.

You believe "shallow gene pool" should have it's own box on the report card.

When out in public, you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.

Making all A's on the report card would make your life so much simpler.

When you mention "vegetables" you aren't talking about a food group.

You think people should be able to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

You wonder how *some* parents ever managed to produce.

You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to to staff room as the lounge.

You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.

You've had your profession slammed by someone who would never dream of doing your job.

Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at Report Card time. (Only for any of those teachers who are luck enough to *have* a life at all during the school year.)

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Brain Surgery

The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don't look good. The only chance for your loved one is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves," the doctor said.

"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.

"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $250,000."

Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded in understanding, and a few actually smirked. Then the patient's daughter asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?" "A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team.

"Women's brains have to be marked down because they're used."

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 6/9/99