06-12-1999
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THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH:
1. He never got married.
2. He never held a steady job.
3. His last request was a drink.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road!" And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
AGENT MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
BILL CLINTON: We categorically deny the chicken did cross the road and any allegations to the contrary by the right-wing extremists should be postponed until I am out of office.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not Why did the chicken cross the road? Rather, it is, Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the black man in order to trample him and keep him down!
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this questions denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road; it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
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This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a Grape Nehi.
Surprised, the bartender looks around and says "You ain't from around here... where you from, boy?".
The guy says, "I'm from Pennsylvania."
The bartender asks, "What do you do up in Pennsylvania?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... what the hell is a taxidermist?"
The guy says "I mount dead animals."
The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"
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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 6/12/99