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Little Johnny walks into the kitchen where his mom is fixing dinner.

"Mom, I got a splinter in my finger. Can I have a glass of cider?" asks Little Johnny. "Are you sure you don't want me to pull it out?" "No thanks, just the cider." "Well, sure," responds Johnny's mother and gives her boy the cider and watches him trot contentedly off.

About 15 minutes later Little Johnny returns to the kitchen and again asks his mother for a glass of cider. His mother, not wanting to question his reasoning, gives him another glass and again watches him leave happy.

Ten minutes later Little Johnny returns and once again asks for a glass of cider.

The mother complies with Johnny's wishes again, but her curiosity has been peaked to the point where she can't resist knowing why any longer. She wanders into the family room and Johnny sitting in front of the TV with his finger in the glass.

"Why on earth do you have your finger in that glass?" asks Johnny's mother questioningly.

"Well, said Little Johnny, I heard Sis on the phone say that whenever she had a prick in her hand, she couldn't wait to get it in cider."


Possible Title for Monica Lewinsky's New Book

I Suck At My Job
What Really Goes Down In The White House
How I Blew It In Washington
You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President
Clear and Present Boner
Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule
Going Back for Gore
Podium Girl
Secret Services to the President
Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton
Deep Inside The Oval Office
The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions
She's Chief of MY Staff!
Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes
How To Beat Off the Government
Going Down and Moving Up
Members of the Presidential Cabinet
Me and My Big Mouth
How To Get Ahead in Politics

President Clinton banged his head the other day. This is the first thing he's banged that hasn't hired an attorney... (Letterman)

Monica Lewinsky was seen in an LA Fitness Center with a personal trainer. She's apparently gained some weight, which is common when you give up cigars.

Time magazine reports that Kenneth Starr tried to get Lewinsky to wear a wire in order to get something on President Clinton. Starr denies the report. It's probably just as well, Monica is terrible with electronic equipment. Once in school, she was in charge of setting up the sound system for a lecture series, and she ended up blowing the speaker.

Former wrestler Jesse "The Body" Ventura won the governor's seat in Minnesota. Early next year, he will take his oath on a very special episode of the "Jerry Springer Show".

In an attempt to attract a more modern, hipper, high tech type of customer... Campbell's Alphabet Soup now comes with spell check.

Heidi Fleiss is writing a book. The working title is "Men Are From Mars, Women Are $200 An Hour". (Leno)

George Michael says he wants to try his hand at marriage. As you may have heard, his other was busy. (Leno)

More and more passengers are having sex on airplanes. Well... what do you expect? You get on the plane and they give you cocktails... a blanket... a pillow... that says SEX to me! (Letterman)

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 7/22/99