07-31-2000
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Understanding Engineers
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said to the
other, "Where did you get such a great looking bike?
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was just strolling along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful well-built woman rode up on
this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes,
exposing a milky-white firm body. In a soft whisper, she said, 'Take
what you want.'"
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice! Her clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."
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Cats and Dogs
What is a cat?
Cats do what they want.
They rarely listen to you.
They are totally unpredictable.
When you want to play, they want to be alone.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They expect you to cater to their every whim.
They are moody.
They leave hair everywhere.
They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion:?? They are tiny women in fur coats.
What is a dog?
Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most
comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
They can hear a package of food opening half a
block away, but they don't hear you when you
are? in the same room.
They growl when they are not happy.
When you want to play, they want to play.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They are great at begging.
They will love you forever if you rub their
tummies.
They leave their toys everywhere.
They do disgusting things with their mouths
and then? try to give you a kiss.
Conclusion:??? They are little men in fur coats.
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THANKS SONNY
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little
boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa,
I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too
wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs
into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the
worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to
put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five
dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy
another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five
dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
TOP
An old man turned 115 and was being interviewed by a reporter
for the local paper. During the interview the reporter
noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages
playing together. A very pretty girl of about 19 served
the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and
running errands for them.
"Are these your grandkids?" the reporter asked.
"Naw, sir, they all be my younguns," the old man replied
with a sly grin.
"Your kids?" said the reporter. "What about this beautiful
young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your
children too?"
"Naw, sir," said the old man. "She be my wife."
"Your wife?" said the surprised reporter. "But she can't be
more than 19 years old."
"Thass right," said the old man with pride.
"Well, surely you can't have a sex life with you being 115
and she being only 19," the reporter remarked.
"Naw, sir, " said the old man. "We have sex every night.
Every night two of my boys helps me on it, and every morning
six of my boys helps me off."
"Wait just one minute," said the newspaperman. "Why does it
only take two of your boys to put you on, but it takes six
of them to take you off?"
"Cause," the spry old man said with a balled fist,
"I fights 'em."
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The Old Man
A sixty-four-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young
man walks by and asks him what's wrong. Through his tears the old man
answers, "I'm in love with a twenty-two-year-old woman."
"What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.
Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand. Every
morning before she goes to work, we make love. At lunchtime she comes
home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the
afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex,
the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night
long, we make love." He breaks down, no longer able to speak.
The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds
like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you sitting here on this
park bench crying?"
The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live."
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CHINESE PROVERBS
Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 7 /31 /2000