08-26-1999

A South Korean named Syngman Rhee had a brother who was a reporter for Life Magazine in the days when that magazine was still flourishing. Life Magazine sent him into the wilds of Africa to track down a story. And nothing was heard from the reporter for weeks.

At last, very much alarmed about the missing reporter, Life magazine hired a team of reporters to go searching for him -- a man and a woman. They trekked through the jungle, they journeyed through town after town -- and at last their persistence was rewarded with success.

The lady exclaimed with great joy: "Ah, sweet Mr. Rhee of Life, at last I've found you!'

---Bennett Cerf

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The Evolution Of Mom

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes
* 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
* 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
* 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name
* 1st baby: You pore over baby name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
* 2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
* 3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.

Preparing for the Birth
* 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
* 2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
* 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette
* 1st baby: You cherish your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
* 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
* 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries
* 1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
* 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
* 3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Activities
* 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
* 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
* 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out
* 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
* 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
* 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home
* 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
* 2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
* 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

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Subject: Three Little Pigs.

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs.
The first little pig walked into a bar. 'Give me five beers.'
When he was done he asked, 'Where's the bathroom?'
'Down the hall and to the left,' replied the bartender.
The second little pig walked into the bar and asked, 'How many beers did my brother have?'
'Five.'
'Then I'll have ten.'
When he was done he asked, 'Where's the bathroom?'
'Down the hall and to the left,' replied the bartender.
The third little pig walked into the bar and asked, 'How many beers did my brother have?'
'Ten.'
'Then I'll have Fifteen.'
When he was done he started eating the peanuts on the bar. The bartender asked, 'Aren't you going to ask where the bathroom is?'
'No,' said the little pig. 'I'm the little pig that goes wee wee wee wee all the way home.

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 8/26/99