Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they
Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed
what they had done to the doctor.
The first nurse said, "I put cotton in his stethoscope so he
The second nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked
holes in all his condoms."
The third nurse fainted.
Four girls were on vacation, camping. The last day of their trip, the
space next to their tent became occupied by a group of Hell's Angels. The
girls were afraid to leave their tent because they feared the bikers would
steal their valuable stuff. But on the other hand, it WAS their last day
and they really wanted to go out; so they took the chance. When they
returned, they searched the tent to see if anything was missing, but
everything was still in place, even the expensive camera of one of the
Several days after returning home, they picked up their developed
photos. The last picture made them all cry out in disgust. It was a
photograph of four Hell's Angels, photographed from behind, bending over
with their pants down, each of them with one of the girls' toothbrush
handles sticking out of their asses.
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly
Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our
computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but
you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above
the Rocky Mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of
this week 'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track
of what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a
"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to
recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over
the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to
be more difficult."
"Why?" asketh the Lord.
"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight
from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to the blonde and asks if she
would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so
she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot
of fun. "Look", he explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't
know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely
declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the
answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you
$50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the
match. This offer gets the blonde's attention and, figuring that there
will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth
to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word; she reaches into her
purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill
with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her
with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all
his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches
the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to
all his co-workers and every friend he knows. All to no avail. After
several hours of work, he finally gives up. The lawyer wakes the blonde
and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to
go back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, says, "Hey wait just a
minute. What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
Without saying a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the
lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep
You're just jealous because the voices
only talk to ME.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
I need someone real bad...
Are you real bad?
BEAUTY is in the eye of the beer holder.
The more you complain,
the longer God makes you live.
Hard work has a future payoff.
Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch for people
who can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
As long as there are tests,
there will be prayer in public schools.
Hang up and drive.
NEBRASKA: At least the cows are sane.
I said "NO" to drugs,
but they didn't listen.
Your kid may be an Honor Student,
but YOU'RE still an idiot.
it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Don't drink and drive...
You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Always remember you're unique...
Just like everyone else.
If You Want To See My Finger
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
God is my copilot,
but the Devil is my bombardier.
I wasn't born an asshole
Women like you made me this way.
Keep honking while I reload.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Who were the testers for
Preparations A through G?
Madness takes its toll.
Please have exact change.
5 days a week my body is a temple.
The other two, it's an amusement park.
We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
If you drink, don't park.
Accidents cause people.
If you can read this
I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Save the whales!
Trade them for valuable prizes.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her
...or something like that.
Sure you can trust the government!
Just ask an Indian!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix.
Never drink and derive.
If we are what we eat,
I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
Stop repeat offenders.
Don't reelect them!
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 9 /9 /2000