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Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for.

Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.

The first nurse said, "I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear."

The second nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all his condoms."

The third nurse fainted.

Four girls were on vacation, camping. The last day of their trip, the space next to their tent became occupied by a group of Hell's Angels. The girls were afraid to leave their tent because they feared the bikers would steal their valuable stuff. But on the other hand, it WAS their last day and they really wanted to go out; so they took the chance. When they returned, they searched the tent to see if anything was missing, but everything was still in place, even the expensive camera of one of the girls.

Several days after returning home, they picked up their developed photos. The last picture made them all cry out in disgust. It was a photograph of four Hell's Angels, photographed from behind, bending over with their pants down, each of them with one of the girls' toothbrush handles sticking out of their asses.

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asketh the Lord.

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to the blonde and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. "Look", he explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This offer gets the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word; she reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and every friend he knows. All to no avail. After several hours of work, he finally gives up. The lawyer wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to go back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, says, "Hey wait just a minute. What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" Without saying a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep


Bumper Stickers

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.

I need someone real bad... Are you real bad?

BEAUTY is in the eye of the beer holder.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Hang up and drive.

NEBRASKA: At least the cows are sane.

I said "NO" to drugs, but they didn't listen.

Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Don't drink and drive... You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.

HONK If You Want To See My Finger

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

Support Cannibalism EAT ME!

God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.

I wasn't born an asshole Women like you made me this way.

Keep honking while I reload.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Who were the testers for Preparations A through G?

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

If you can read this I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like that.

Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't reelect them!

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 9 /9 /2000