09-26-1999
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YOU KNOW YOU'RE OUT OF COLLEGE (or grad school) WHEN:
You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your potted plants stay alive.
Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
You have to pay your own credit card bill.
You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
8:00 a.m. is not early.
You have to file your own taxes.
You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
You're not carded anymore.
You carry an umbrella.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
You start watching the weather channel.
Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to seven.
You go to parties that the police don't raid.
Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.
Your car insurance goes down.
You refer to college students as kids.
You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon and rum.
Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of Taco Bell.
You're waking up at 6:00 a.m. instead of going to bed.
College sweatshirts are 'casual' instead of dress up.
Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
Naps are no longer available between noon and 6:00 p.m.
Dinner and a movie -- the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
You get your news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN Sportscenter and
MTV News.
METABOLISM SLOWDOWN.
Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone's and Mad Dog.
You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.
When drinking, you say at least once per night, "I just can't put it down
like I used to."
Golf is beginning to seem a lot less silly.
TOP
The beautiful Executive Assistant to the president of the Chase Manhattan
Bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The
client, out of the blue, asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary
is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her,
"don't reject the guy outright." So, she tries to think of a way to
dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.
After a few minutes,the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions.
First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a
matching 200 carat diamond tiara." The Taiwanese man pauses for a while.
Then, he nods his head and says "No problem!! I buy. I buy."
Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, "I want
you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I
want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France."The
man pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone, calls some brokers
in New York, then he calls some brokers in France. He looks at the woman,
nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build, I build."
Realizing that she has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a
good one. She takes her time to think and finally, she gets an idea. A
sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says,
rather coldly, "Since I like to have sex, I want the man I marry to have a
12-inch penis." The man got very disturbed. He cups his face with his
hands and rests his elbows on the table. All the while, he's muttering
something in Chinese. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the man
shakes his head, looking real sad, says to the woman, "Okay, okay,........I
cut. I cut.
TOP
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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 9/26/99