10-19-1999

Bill & Hillary Clinton host a large bipartisan dinner party in their personal residence quarters at the White House, including a number of current and former members of Congress, former Presidents Carter, Ford and Bush, along with former Vice Presidents Mondale and Quayle.

After the introductory speeches during dinner, Vice President Dan Quayle excused himself to use the bathroom, one adjacent to the First Family's private living room. After a couple of minutes, he returns to his seat, looking rather smug, but says nothing to his wife at the time.

After the dinner, as the Quayles returned home, Dan turned to Marilyn and said, "Did you know Bill has a solid-gold urinal in his bathroom? How can he pretend to be serious about cutting the budget after buying that?"

Marilyn's initial look of shock turns to a sly grin as she turns to her husband and says, "We've really caught him with his pants down this time! As soon as we get home, why don't you call up the paper and give them a little 'insider' information, dear?"

"That's an excellent idea, Marilyn!" says Dan to his lovely wife. "You know, sometimes you're just too smart," as he leans over to hug and give his wife a quick kiss on the cheek.

The following morning, after the morning editions of the papers have been delivered to the White House residence, Hillary Clinton opens the newspaper over breakfast only to see a bold headline stating "CLINTONS SPLURGE ON GOLD URINAL SAYS QUAYLE."

Shaking her head, Hillary smirks and shouts up to the bedroom, "Bill! I think I know who peed in your Saxophone!"

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One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He was loaded, and he had everything; money, a big house in Beverly Hills, drugs, girls, cars, planes; anything he wanted.
The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles. So there he was, him and his friends all standing around drinking, getting high and partying next to the pool. The guy gets up off the life guard tower and all his friends look up. He calls for silence and says "OK, the first person that swims across my pool will get all my money."
No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, draws on his joint and says "OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money and my house."
Still no one moves. "OK then, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes."
Still, no one moves, not even a eye blinks this time. "OK then, all my money, my house, all my cars, all my planes, all the dope you can handle, all my property, all my stocks and bonds and investments and all the girls you can handle; everything I own."

"Splash!" Someone's in the pool. Crocodiles are all over him, but he rolls over like Tarzan, he's all over the place, fighting and dodging. Finally he gets out of the pool on the other side. The rich guy on tower jumps down and runs over to him.

"That was incredible! I never thought that I would ever see that done. Do you want the money now or later?"
"I don't want the money."
"Do you want the house now or later?"
"I don't want the house."
"Do you want the cars and planes now or later?"
"I don't want the cars or the planes."
"Do you want the bonds, stocks and stuff now or later?"
"I don't want the bonds or stocks."
"Do you want the girls now or later?"
"I don't want the girls."
The rich guy looks at him and says "Well what the hell do you want?!?!"
"I want the bastard that pushed me in."

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OPTIONAL ACCESSORY

"Normally accidents like this shouldn't happen," reasoned a Caputh, Germany, police spokesman.
A motorist following driving instructions on the satellite navigation computer in his BMW drove down a ferry ramp into the Havel River, he said, without realizing the only way he could cross the river was to wait for the ferry.
The 57-year-old driver was not injured. "This sort of thing can happen when people rely too much on technology," the police spokesman said. (Reuters) ...Leading to a required label, "Warning: User still must watch out window when driving."

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 10/19/99