10-22-1999
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The Morning After
A guy wakes up in the morning. He has a massive hangover and can't remember
anything he did last night. He picks up his dressing gown from the floor
and puts it on. He notices there's something in one of the pockets and it
turns out to be a bra. He thinks "bloody hell what happened last night??".
He walks towards the bathroom and finds a panty in the other pocket of his
gown. Again he thinks "What happened last night, what have I done? Must
have been a wild party".
He opens the bathroom door, walks in and has a look in the mirror. He
notices a little string hanging out of his mouth and his only thought is
"If there's a god, please let this be a teabag."
TOP
A couple have been married forty years and are revisiting the same
places they went to on their honeymoon.
As they are driving through the secluded countryside, they pass a
ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road.
The wife says, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here
forty years ago!"
The husband stops the car. His wife backs against the fence, and
he immediately jumps her like a bass on a junebug.
They make love like never before. She was SCREAMING and GYRATING
and SHAKING uncontrollably; and when it was over, much to her husbands
surprise, she FAINTED!
After he revived her and got her back into the car, the husband,
quite astounded says: "Darlin', you sure never moved like that forty year
ago-or ANYTIME SINCE that I can remember."
The woman, gasping for breath,
finally able to speak, says: "FORTY YEARS AGO THAT DARN FENCE WASN'T
ELECTRIFIED!"
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A couple visited their pastor for marriage preparation. The pastor asked
them if they would like the traditional or contemporary format.
The couple agreed that the contemporary service would suit them.
On the day of the wedding it rained cats and dogs. The groom was late,
but fortunately he found a prime parking spot. Unfortunately, it was
right over a large puddle, so he hiked his pant legs up and gingerly
stepped through the standing water. When he got inside the church the
procession started and, nearly before he even realized what was
happening, he was standing in the front of the church with the pastor.
Noticing the pant legs the pastor whispered to the groom, "Son, you need
to pull your pants down."
The groom said, "Excuse me?"
The priest said again, "Your pants, you need to pull them down."
To which the groom responded, "Pastor, I've changed my mind. We'd like
the more traditional service!"
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A Koala bear picked up a hooker and took her to a hotel room. Once inside,
the hooker removed her clothes, climbed onto the bed and said "What's your
pleasure?"
The Koala climbed onto the bed, parted her legs and went down on the
hooker.
The hooker was amazed at the Koalas oral skills and actually had a great
time but, after all, business is still business.
As the hooker was getting dressed, the Koala started heading for the
door.
The hooker said, "Excuse me darlin', aren't you forgetting something?"
The Koala was puzzled.
The hooker grabbed a dictionary, looked up "prostitute" and handed it to
the Koala, pointing to the entry.
PROSTITUTE: a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual practices in
exchange for money.
The Koala read this and looked up at the hooker with frustration.
Indignantly, the Koala bear flipped through the dictionary to find
"Koala" and handed it back to the hooker, pointing to the entry.
KOALA: An Australian marsupial about two feet long that eats bush and
leaves.
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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 10/22/99