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A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day was involuntary muscles.

The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman "Do you know what your asshole does when you're having an orgasm?"

"Sure" she said. "He's at home, taking care of the kids."

"I've had it with my wife." said the one drinking buddy to the other. "I'm filing for an divorce."

"Sorry to hear that pal." said his partner. "May I ask why?"

"I found her supply of birth control pills." said the first.

"Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion, I just can't see leaving your wife for what the Church says is a sin."

"It ain't just that" stormed Frank. "I had a vasectomy over five years ago."

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well night.
4. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
7. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
8. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
9. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
10. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
11. I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
12. He's not dead, he's eletroencephalgraphically challenged.
13. She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
14. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
15. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
16. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.

The brunette sighs and says, "Oh, shit, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again...for no reason."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"

The brunette says, "Oh sure...but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"


Doctor's Orders

Chad wasn't too happy with his doctor's recommendation to cure his constant fatigue. "You want me to give up sex completely, Doc?" he cried. "I'm a young guy. I'm in the prime of my life. How do you expect me to give up sex and go cold turkey?"

"Well," replied the doctor, "you could get married and taper off gradually."

In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from The University of Texas and they taught us not to piss on our hands.

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 10 /27 /2000