A young blonde was on vacation in Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine
alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high
prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with
the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, she shouted, "Maybe
I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at
a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out
and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for
the bayous, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young
woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he
sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim,
kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp
Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper
watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's
back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is
pulled over by a cop.
Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a
warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.
Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.
That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein
loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider
that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take
care of that right away!
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter
with the cop. Well, dear, what exactly did he say?
He said the reflector is broken.
I can fix that in two minutes. What else?
I'm not sure, Jacob ... something about the emergency brake...
On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The
turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is
struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she
stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails.
Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth
to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever
made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this
plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril,
and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel
like a woman," he says.
He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black
eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man
approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he
reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling
woman, and whispers:
An Anagram, as you know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or
rearranging the letters of another word or phrase.
The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has way too much time to
waste or is deadly at Scrabble.
Desperation-----------------A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code-----------Here Come Dots
Slot Machines--------------Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity-------------------Is No Amity
Snooze Alarms------------Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness-------------Genuine Class
Semolina-------------------Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries--Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point----------I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes----------That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two-----------Twelve plus one
Contradiction--------------Accord not in it
This one's truly amazing:
To be or not to be: that is the question, whether 'tis nobler in the
mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."
And the Anagram:
"In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero,
Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten."
And for the grand finale:
"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." - Neil Armstrong
"A thin man ran; makes a large stride, left planet, pins flag on
moon! On to Mars!"
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 10/29/99