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Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older.
The first guy said "Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older."

"What do you mean?" asked the second guy.

"Well," replied the first. "I can barely remember the last time I was able to get it up in bed, but my wife is healthier than ever!"

"Healthier? How is that?" his buddy wondered.

"Years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she'd get these terrible headaches." he answered. "Now that we're older, she hasn't had a headache in years."


A Cat Tale

I was driving my car down a side street the other day when all of a sudden this cat jumped out in front of me. I hit the brakes, but I heard a thump, so I stopped. There was the cat lying right in the road. It was still alive, but I apparently had run over its tail and the force of the tire had cut it off.

A lady came running out of a house screaming, "You killed my cat!!" I told her, "No, he's O. K., except for the tail, and I'll fix that."

I went into the trunk of my car and got out a roll of duct tape and taped the cat's tail back on.

The lady immediately blushed and called the cops. A cop showed up and immediately gave me a ticket.

Boy, was I ticked off. I had to go to court, and was convicted. What a bummer.
All for retailing pussy in a residential area.

English comedian John Cleese, of Monty Python fame, was asked to describe the difference between British and American people.

In reply Cleese said that there were three basic differences from the British viewpoint:

1. "We speak English and you don't."

2. "When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries to play, as well."

3. "When you meet the head of state in Great Britain, you only have to go down on one knee."

The superintendent of a large, snooty apartment building got the ultimate revenge when he was called for the umpteenth time to fix a tenant's clogged toilet.

Going to her apartment, where the female tenant happened to be giving a fancy dinner party for other tenants in the building, the super had to endure her telling all the assembled guests that he was a complete incompetent. Furthermore, she got them all to go to the bathroom door to watch his clumsiness.

He didn't say anything, but merely concentrated on fixing the toilet, while she kept on complaining about the bad service. So busy was she complaining, that no one noticed when the super reached quietly into his tool bag.

A minute later, he held something up triumphantly and told her and the assembled guests, "I've found what was clogging your toilet!"

All the guests broke into shocked laughter, and the woman turned a, bright beet red.

The super was holding up a large yellow banana with an orange condom wrapped around it.


Thanksgiving Turkey

A lady is picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but can't find one big enough for her family.
She asks a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replies, "No ma'am, they're dead."

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 11/24/01