12-08-1999
Home--Jokes Homepage
Yeah Right
You do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN
instead of men, don't you?
They would have asked for directions; arrived on time; helped deliver the
baby; cleaned the stable; made a casserole; and brought disposable diapers
as gifts.
TOP
See, It's like This
One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do
the dishes at the kitchen sink.
She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in
contrast on her brunette head. She looks at her mother and
inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something
wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns
white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, "Momma, how come *all* of grandma's
hairs are white?
TOP
[Astrology comics from Sky and Telescope - Aug 1989 (pp 146-149)]
"The practice of astrology took a major step toward achieving
credibility today when, as predicted, everyone born under the sign
Scorpio was run over by an egg truck."
-------------------------------
"Ancient astrologers used to draw lines between stars to form the
signs of the zodiac. See... there's Taurus the bull and Cancer the
crab."
"Ancient astrologers must've been the lamest dot-to-dot artists in all
civilization..."
---------------------
Introducing Jetology
One good way to get people to think about the validity of astrology is
to suggest a similar "science" that is not so weighted down with
tradition and history. I like to ask people to consider the new
science of jetology, which contends that the positions of all the
world's jumbo jets at the moment a person is born affect his or her
personality and destiny.
To get the full benefit of a jetological reading, a professional
jetologer must carefully analyze the pattern of jet positions the
world over. (Since a computer will help get the data and organize it,
jetology must be a scientific discipline!) But even when your
jetological chart is finished, a layperson will not be able to make
sense of it. Years of training are required to interpret the chart
properly. For example, take that bunching of planes over Chicago's
O'Hare Airport -- its significance for the subject's love life will
require a great deal of study by an experienced jetologer.
As your listeners begin to chuckle over the absurdity of this
example, you can ask them what makes it so amusing. Someone will
surely inquire why the positions of those things in the sky should
have anything to do with our lives.
TOP
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English
university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other
students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit
him.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on
that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the
other side screams and screams all night."
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English
neighbors?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly,
playing my bagpipes."
TOP
"Country Doctor"
An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a
baby.
It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor
arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her
5-year-old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he
could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the
doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the
bottom to get him to take his first breath.
The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.
"Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled
up there in the first place!"
TOP
Home--Jokes Homepage
Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 12/8/99