Free Speech on the Web


Home--Jokes Homepage

Yeah Right

You do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of men, don't you?

They would have asked for directions; arrived on time; helped deliver the baby; cleaned the stable; made a casserole; and brought disposable diapers as gifts.


See, It's like This

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.
She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, "Momma, how come *all* of grandma's hairs are white?


[Astrology comics from Sky and Telescope - Aug 1989 (pp 146-149)]

"The practice of astrology took a major step toward achieving credibility today when, as predicted, everyone born under the sign Scorpio was run over by an egg truck."


"Ancient astrologers used to draw lines between stars to form the signs of the zodiac. See... there's Taurus the bull and Cancer the crab."

"Ancient astrologers must've been the lamest dot-to-dot artists in all civilization..."


Introducing Jetology

One good way to get people to think about the validity of astrology is to suggest a similar "science" that is not so weighted down with tradition and history. I like to ask people to consider the new science of jetology, which contends that the positions of all the world's jumbo jets at the moment a person is born affect his or her personality and destiny.

To get the full benefit of a jetological reading, a professional jetologer must carefully analyze the pattern of jet positions the world over. (Since a computer will help get the data and organize it, jetology must be a scientific discipline!) But even when your jetological chart is finished, a layperson will not be able to make sense of it. Years of training are required to interpret the chart properly. For example, take that bunching of planes over Chicago's O'Hare Airport -- its significance for the subject's love life will require a great deal of study by an experienced jetologer.

As your listeners begin to chuckle over the absurdity of this example, you can ask them what makes it so amusing. Someone will surely inquire why the positions of those things in the sky should have anything to do with our lives.

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."


"Country Doctor"

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.

It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.

The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.

"Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"

Home--Jokes Homepage

Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 12/8/99