12-09-2001

Satisfaction

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmers of assurance.
He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldly taking her to heights she never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long.
And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was with her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought,
"It's too big!--It will never fit!"
Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned.
Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again.......
Don't you just love shoping for shoes?

TOP

Florida Vacation

A man and his wife were driving their RV across Florida and were nearing a town called Kissimmee.

They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it; KISS-a-me, kis-A-me, or kis-a-ME.

They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat.

At the counter, the man said to the cashier, "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that we can understand."

The waitress looked at him and said, "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."

TOP

Small Town Justice

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet!!!" snapped the officer. "...or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back."

"But officer, I just wanted to say..."

"And I said KEEP QUIET! Now you're going to jail!"

A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"I doubt that very much" said the man "I am the man who's marrying his daughter!"

TOP

Little Johnny

Little Johnny's father called him one day and said, "Little Johnny, Do you know who pushed over the outhouse?"

Little Johnny replied, "Yes, Father, I must admit, that I pushed over the outhouse."
Little Johnny's father said, "Well, just for that you will go to bed without supper for one whole week, and tonight you'll meet me outside the woodshed for a whupping."

"But Dad," Little Johnny said, tears starting to well up in his eyes. "George Washington's father asked him who chopped down the cherry tree, and George Washington didn't lie, and told his father the truth, and his father didn't punish him."

"That's right, Little Johnny," his father replied,
"But George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree at the time."

TOP

Bill and Doug went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look.

"What's going on?" Doug asked one of the crowd.

"We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine," he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. "No body has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet. And there's a prize of $1000 for anybody who can.

"I can do that," Bill said confidently.

"You can't," said Doug. "You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that thing".

"Watch this," said Bill and he climbed aboard the bronco machine.

The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Bill clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Bill was a blur.
But when the three minutes were up Bill was still on the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd. He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Doug.

"Where in the heck did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that?" Doug asked.

"Remember three months ago," Bill said. "When my wife had whooping cough...?"

TOP

Home--Jokes Homepage

Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 12/9/01