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Please A Woman

A group of girlfriends went on vacation, and they see a five story hotel with a sign that reads "For Women Only". Since they were without their boyfriends, they decide to go in.

The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors ... go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's inside."

So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads "All the men here are horrible lovers, but they are sensitive and kind,"...the friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads "All the men here are wonderful lovers, but they generally treat women badly."

This wasn't going to do, so the friends move up to the third floor where the sign read "All the men here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women." This was good but there were still two more floors.

On to the fourth floor, the sign was Perfect. "All the men here have perfect builds; are sensitive and attentive to women; are perfect lovers; they are also single, rich and straight."

The women seemed pleased but they decide that they would rather see what the fifth floor has to offer before they settle for the fourth.

When they reach the fifth floor, the sign reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that sometimes it's impossible to please a woman."


Christian Pickup Lines

1) I'm pretty flexible. I don't think a woman should be submissive on the first date.

2) I would like to pray with you.

3) You know Jesus, Me too.

4) No, I'm not coveting, I intend to make you mine.

5) How about a hug, sister?

6) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy.

7) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug.

8) Are you cold? Eccleseasties 4:11

9) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

10) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?

11) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry", how about dinner?

12) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.

13) You want to come over and watch the 10 commandments tonight?

14) Is it a sin that you stole my heart?

15) Would you happen to know a Christian woman that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?

16) Nice braclet. What would Jesus date? I mean "do".

17) Do you believe in Divine appointment?

18) Have you ever tried praying at a drive in movie before?

19) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.

20) My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah thats his name.

21) What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace in the dark.

22) Yeah I predicted David over Goliath.

23) You know they say that you have never really dated, until you have dated a Christian.

24) What do you think Paul meant when he said, "greet everyone with a holy kiss?" (1 Cor 16:20)

25) You have the body of Amy Grant and the soul of Mother Teresa. (DO NOT get this confused!)

26) Nice Bible.

27) Before tonight, I never believed in predestination.

28) Do you think "Ask, and it shall be given you" is to be taken literally?

29) I practice our mission to "Love one another" to the fullest extent.

30) God told me to come talk to you.

31) How do you feel about "It is more blessed to give than to receive"?

32) I think we should celebrate with a "love offering" tonight.

33) When I saw you, I knew the true meaning of "Rejoice and be Glad".

34) I didnt know angels flew this low.


Mother's Intuition

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Mrs. Hester long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and his roommate, Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs. Heater started to wonder if there was more between Brian and his roommate, Stephanie, than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you that Stephanie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house; and I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian"

Several days later, Brian received a letter from his mother that read, "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Stephanie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found that gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 12/22/01