12-31-1999

First......Happy New Year!

Golfing Hitman

There are these friends who play golf together every Saturday. One Saturday they are getting ready to tee off when a guy, by himself, asks if he can join them. The friends look at each other and then look at the guy and say, "Sure."

So they tee off. About two holes into the game, the friends get curious about what the guy does for a living. So they ask him. The stranger tells them he's a hitman. The friends all laugh.

The guy says, "No really, I am a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you like."

So one of the friends dicides to check it out. He opened the bag and, sure enough, there is a rifle with a huge scope attached. He gets all excited and says, "WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?" The hit man replies, "Sure."

So the guy looks for a second and says, "YEAH! You can see my house! I can even see through the windows into my bedroom. There's my wife, naked. Isn't she beautiful? WAIT! There's my next door neighbor! And he's naked too!"

This really upsets the guy, so he asks the hitman how much it would be for a hit. The hitman replies, "I get $1000 everytime I pull the trigger."

The guy responds, "$1000??? Well, ok. I want two hits. I want you to shoot my wife right in the mouth. She's always nagging at me and I can't stand it. Second, I want you to shoot my neighbor in the penis, just for screwing around with my wife."

The hit man agrees, gears up and looks through the scope. He's looking for about five minutes until finally the man starts to get really impatient and asks, "What are you waitng for?!?

The hitman replies, "Just hold on..... I'm about to save you a thousand bucks!"

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A Southern 911 Call

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

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Ah!

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, but that she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

The doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did.

He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said that it didn't.

The doctor then told her, "Well, then, there is no reason why you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like to do, just so long as you take care to avoid getting pregnant."

The woman was mystified, so she asked, "Are you telling me that you can get pregnant from anal sex?"

The doctor replied, "Of course you can. Where do you think all the lawyers come from?"

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There was a gentleman living in a small village who unfortunately had a stomach disorder that required him to drink the milk of a nursing mother.

Well there weren't too many women in the village nursing babies and even fewer who would agree to allow a grown man suck on their breast. But low and behold, the poor man finally found a rather buxom young girl who recently had given birth and who was willing to help him out, for a price. The man was desperate because his condition was growing worse, so he agreed to pay the woman the amount of money she demanded. After all, the woman had a new born baby to care for and the father had abandoned them to their fate.

The first day was a bit awkward as the man showed up and, with a bit of anxiety and embarrassment, leaned over and began to suck on the woman's breast. Well weeks went by and the awkwardness began to fade. One day, the woman realized that the man's sucking was beginning to arouse her sexually. It became almost unbearable and finally, in a sensuous voice, she said, "Is there anything else you'd like?"

The man paused in his sucking for a moment and looked up at her. "Yeah," he said finally. "Can I have a cookie with my milk?"

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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 12/31/99